Of course Ill be at the funeral, I loved your father deeply, Ill say a few words Byeeeeee! Why am I doing that? - Michael McIntyres, I think this is something you have to hear him for, but I get the joke, How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?. Now. ", According to most studies, peoples number one fear is public speaking. I was like, 'It's not your birthday. As easy as they make it look, most comics are thinking about bits all the time. Now, go back to that original idea you had . An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. talent dad jokes. Is it the divine illumination of our differing perceptions? The second skit is a little more complex. I just scrolled back up to say that I think that's because we have heard his jokes for decades, from our parents, our grandparents and maybe even more people than that. These are some amazing comedy show names. Writing & Translation Talent. Very few comedians tell jokes for their routine. Comedy specials littered cable TV. It is as if funny things keep happening to him/her and that he/she has an unusually funny life, friends, things, and experiences But theres the catch. First thing is, that I don't have the talent and the second is, that I cannot C sharp due to my glasses, A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. I asked her to reconsider, suggesting ideas as they entered my creative mind. 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What's your secret to keep doing it year after year despite all the failure? I'm like, My secret is not being afraid. So, if youd like to steer clear from dumb jokes and humiliation on the occasion youll try to climb up on that stage yourself, these hand-picked and thoroughly hilarious jokes might be the inspiration you need. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. So don't just say funny things in your presentation. - NatBaimel, Aaron is the worst name. A stand-up comedy work talent show will unveil talented team players in . "When I'm not counting to one hundred!"" Pretty impressive. Home; Comedians; Videos; Jokes; Magazine; . "Incredible! I just re-read this in Bernie Sanders voice. They see it as more of a test of their own geographical knowledge. He called it a stand up routine. Watch the cars. ", My father was a night watchman, but he was a victim of technology. Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? My friends would always call up, Is Adam there? My father would say, This is Adam. My friends would say, Adam, you were so wasted last night. Adam Sandler. Looking for a good laugh? Submit your best content, jokes, photos, or videos to become an exclusive Laugh Factory member and have your content . Can someone help me out? People are so desperate to get home. Hey Pandas, Post A Picture Of A Cat Being Naughty, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. ", "I saw an item on the menu that said "Chef's recommendation." The trains come very regularly, you see them, one minute, two minutes, three minutes this means nothing to people. Laugh along with humorist puns, joke teller humor, gagster grins and jokes about telling jokes. How lazy can your parents be? - Michael McIntyres. You know, it's easy to read these Tommy Cooper jokes and almost just nod at them as you scroll by. Talking dog." He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. Watch the cars. Every Instagram story was a cry for help. How would you rate the quality of the article? "Amazing! Highlight some basketball dribbling, soccer ball juggling, or flips and cartwheels. 60. If you play soccer, basketball, or do gymnastics, then you are full of special talents that you can turn into a talent show routine. You know what he hates? Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Rob, his brother is in jail for theft. They're like, "Mr. Geoff, you can tie your shoes?! Open the door! 5. That's proof that bullying works." This course is designed to provide you with what I feel are some of the most essential and fundamental aspects of stand-up comedy that a perspective comedian should know, such as: Understanding why the comedy talent that you use everyday is the same comedy talent that you want to use on stage as a comedian (in a more structured and focused way . Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day, and buy tickets to live shows at our comedy clubs. God, thats a nightmare. My friends say, 'Then why'd you marry her?' As far as music goes, Saint-Saens's "Aquarium" is a slow, classical piece that was written to conjure up underwater images in the minds of listeners. I named him Stay. Join us at 8:30pm as we welcome Rahmein Mostafavi to the Jimmy Dean stage for the first time, flanked by returning comedians Alex Scott, Dylan Vattelana, Pearl St Comedy legends Kenny Wingle and Jason Klingman, and featuring Micah Bam Bamm . So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate.". I know judo, karate, taekwondo and bunch of other Japanese words! -This is god's gift. Jet Set Tiki Bar & Restaurant and Cookie Cash Productions present: "Jokes at Jet Set" A Night of Stand-Up Comedy Featuring: Josh Kincade Monty Mason and Jimmy McDonald (CBS, Levity Live, StandUp NY, Laugh It Up) Hosted by: Ryan DeNisco (WRRV, WPDH, Laugh It Up) www.ryanscomedy.com Special Guest: Ray Otte (Cookie Cash Productions) Friday, March 24th DOORS at 7:00 SHOW at 8:00 Tickets: $15 www . In wordplay, you intermix words in a creative way to make up a great comedy show name. - Denis Leary, "When I told everyone I was gonna become a professional stand up comedian, they all laughed Well, theyre not laughing now! upvote downvote report. (Because Wit Jokes, Wag Humor, and Wisecracker Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream On Open Mic . He told me to listen to it when I started to feel overwhelmed. In this six-week workshop, you will learn by performing every week in front of your class with a huge graduation show at the end. Once you start falling you cannot stop till you reach the end or someone stops you. "I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. June 19, 2019 2:30am. Once you've written 20-30 jokes or a handful of funny anecdotes you'd like to tell, start thinking about your set list. There is a three year waiting list., There are varied types of comedy that you can look into. A comedian is more than just telling jokes though. The man responds: "The Aristocats! Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Every once in a while Ill be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that., So I went in to a pet shop. EXAMPLE STAND-UP JOKES SHARED CELL PHONE PLAN As advertised!" Working on a Standup Routine. I don't even use a cell phone case. Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was. Sadly, that's how most comedians feel. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Today's not about you.'" Brian Regan. Absolutely. "Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? His sister Cally is a great gunsmith. Stand Up Comedy Jokes says: April 15, 2010 at 3:56 pm . Everyone laughs when their friend biffs it hard when skiing, or stubs the same toe on the same piece of furniture for like the 20th time that day lol, I wrote a song, but I cant read music so I dont know what it is. Shame not to see any of Lee Mack's jokes on here. - Kevin Schwartz, "Well, if God drinks, do you think God gets stoned once in a while? See, the odds are ever in your favor here! What are the chances that's ever gonna work out?" It has been observed that a person learns to be funny based on certain experiences that they have in their lifeespecially the bad. The open secret of the trade, and the first thing you need master in order to write stand up comedy material is to be able to laugh at yourself. Show off an Athletic Talent. 3) Based upon your feedback and the information you provide us to start, we write the full round of jokes. Matt Baker Comedy + Stunt Show. Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place". Open mics give you the chance to . Now that there's funny. If you have noticed, comedians dont just go up on stage and read out a random list of jokes. Youre the number one loser! Please check link and try again. Hilarious comedy, and jaw-dropping stunts. These are jokes I had never planned to upload, but because we're all in quarantine , I thought aapko yeh de deta hoon. "I wanna drink the very best", "My neighbor's house doesn't have any numbers on its door or mailbox. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the best live shows from the funniest stand-up comedians, ranging from witty and irreverent to deeply raunchy. The Agent asks: "What do you call this?" I have Acrophobia, now I'm wondering if I'm secretly tall.. "My friends will ask me,"Hey, since you were adopted, would you ever consider adoption?" ' Eddie Izzard. 58. From poking fun at Jeffrey Dahmer . What can you do for me?" "What goes on top of a house?" This funny act can be done by two, four, six, eight, or even ten kids who work in pairs. it didn't start that way, but she brought pepper spray. "I'm trying to commit suicide," she says. "The day my buddy's daughter was born he said, "I already loveher so much, and I know that I would die for her." So what do you think?" All of a sudden, he hears a voice: There are no fish under the ice! He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Comedian Jokes, Comic Puns, Up-Standing Humor. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!, Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. - Kevin Hart. No other day has lived up to that first day. Yeah, I dont find any of these mom's particularly interesting or fun, but when youre a new mom on maternity leave, its like The Walking Dead you just gotta hook up with a crew to survive. Ali Wong, A man walked into the doctors, he said Ive hurt my arm in several places.The doctor said well dont go there any more. - Tommy Cooper, "My wife is always trying to get rid of me. Usually these jokes are the kind of jokes you'd tell to a friend. If I ever have kids, I want them to go to a good home." Use a boom box or sound system to play appropriate music as required. I'm funny!" I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me. We're Vancouver's longest running stand-up comedy show! He still wasn't able to ride them all due to the height requirements. 4) You crush your next show. They leave tomorrow." Doctor: I know you can't, I've cut off your arms! Plenty of people can do that." . Why are there no math teachers at Hogwarts? - Lawrence Rosales, So, we need to do a Pokemon theme song parody. ! Do you know Sainsburys? Yeeeeeeessssssssss! Everyone will enjoy seeing special athletic skills on stage. I have no idea what that means. She visits more than I do. "When I was a kid my parents put me into boxing- which is a great sport to put your kid into. But a confident bald man there's your diamond in the rough." Which then brings us to the next, very important, pointthe delivery of the material. Comedy shows are a great way of income too. Were going to ruin the whole outfit here!, The Swiss have an interesting army. "I love my phone machine. Answer (1 of 5): Have you ever met someone that just couldn't tell a joke to save their life? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, youre better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. - Jerry Seinfeld, "I found out on Fiverr.com you can buy 1000 likes for $5. Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly. Think of a unique funny monologue that makes you laugh when you speak to it in front of the mirror it will assure you that it will be helpful to entertain your audience. I can see the pen in my mind. (NOTE: Depending on the initial package, we may place the jokes in order and/or still be involved to review the final routine.) She whispers, "They're right behind you!". Girls are so much more advanced than boys. For those who think comedy itself is on the ropes because of cancel culture, I hope this list clears something up for you: comedy is alive and well. That was the day she decided to become an engineer, and, surprise surprise: she's now a scientist at NASA. "Technically you laughed! It's not a prank! So this guy dies and goes to hell. A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject. The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? And even if you have a niche sense of humor, youll find at least one very cool joke thatll resonate with you, for weve picked more than a hundred of them. The talk show host laughed, waving him away saying "thousands of people can imitate birds. Stand Up Comedy: Look around on the internet for talent show jokes or write up your own. 1.4 Stand-up Comedy. For $100 a session he prescribed me his mixtape." Satan stands up and says, "Welcome to Hell!" The guy thinks to himself, "well, this doesn't seem so awful." Then Satan says, "I'd like each of you to introduce yourself, and tell us something interesting about yourself." Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Wise guys Comedy. "Hey Barn, how was work this week?" He finds himself in a nice room with a group of other people. Surely if anyone needs lessons it's me! I told her I already did. For this, the comedian will use accents, actions, and funny voices to give the joke the punch it requires to make it funny. - Kill Devil Hills, "Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. based on 3,586 client reviews. After two years of filming stand-up specials in their closets . All you do is create the best comedy act. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I had a pen! We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Writing, reading, playing music, unconditional love and acceptance from my family. Your account is not active. "Sure," I replied. So if the next word is passport, were in serious trouble. - Michael McIntyres, DIY stands for you shouldve married someone with more money. Ali Wong, You learn about humans when you have a baby. And I just feel like that's something that needs to be addressed. If you see two life forms, one of thems making a poop, the other ones carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge., I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. I would have been. Comedy Strip Live. How so, you ask? Or history, or geography? What was difficult was getting out of the bag, Google Earth is amazing. You must choose a relevant name for your show. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. That's a wasted talent. If you hate any form of socialization like us though, you can enjoy these hilarious quotes from the comfort of your own couch. - James Etchison, "Just because a woman is nice to you, doesn't mean that she likes you. Come here, Stay! He went insane. - Carrot Top, I believe Steven Wright used this joke first, "It is your job, as a parent, to make sure your child has the necessary tools to make their life easier than yours was. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Whoopi Goldberg began studying drama in New York and, after a series of unremarkable stage play . Because I can usually open a Capri Sun. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. For instance, COMICS on CBC, Just for Laughs Gala, and Comedy NOW. - Harry Hill, I Love Harry hill, I also thought he made a great presenter on the children's bake off. If you have come to me earlier youd be writing right now, Im so sorry! One turns to the other: 1. This is a really funny skit that everyone will recognize and love. - Antonio, "I think I gamble too much. 1.3 Wow Them with a Magic Act. We collected only funny Talent Show jokes around the web. They bring in funny characters and create funny situations around them and then theyll be joking about it throughout the show. I mean I get mirrors to crack up without any effort. 'Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.'" This is hilarious. So they can talk to a professional about how much happier theyd be if they could simply enjoy themselves. Like girls. It's actually one of their employees calling to say that they are going to be late for work because of the traffic, "Someone posted a win online recently. Once you're satisfied with your material, ask friends and family to listen to you perform. Why are you committing suicide?" As the lady went through her routine, I suggested to my wife that she should try becoming a contortionist. Joe Lycett. Luckily, she was not scarred for life. Then Satan says, "I'd like each of you to introduce yourself, and tell us something interesting about yourself. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. All students will perform in a graduation show at Gotham Comedy Club. ", "My wife is very manipulating. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. aptitude reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. "The people who see something horrible happen in the world and they run to the Internet. Theyre trained for that! - Milton Jones, I joined a moms group in Los Angeles. With a comedy class, you can take notes from the greats. Max: Cool what is it The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!" Hey Pandas, Who Was Your Favorite Black History Month Icon You Learned About This BHM? All those things can get f***ed. 7. Steven Wright. 9. Five hundred years without a war. Thankfully, the therapy never quite works, and we all get to reap the benefits of their funny joke writing. - Rodney Dangerfield, My girlfriend needs 'space.' At this point craft beer is just pokemon for dudes with beards." "Rough." It's paint-by-numbers pilot writing, but it's a crucial first step to cracking an original pilot. If you think that hitting your kid is wrong, but you still feel like someone should be hitting your kid.". In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got dad jokes , jokes for kiddos , mom jokes , and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. I was furious when they rejected me because I was the perfect candidate. Sound aur video quality thodi upar-nee. A: Because he wanted a higher education! Every once in a while Ill be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that. - Steven Wright. When you see the show of a stand up comic, doesnt it seem like the comedian has had a lot of funny experiences? They said "sorry, that's not original we have had loads of them!" 2. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. ", He goes to see a psychologist and starts talking about his split personalities. ", "Isaac Newton died a virgin. I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play. As soon as you get on the platform its a level playing field. Okay, now it's now, not then. - Chelsea Peretti, Im good at hello, Im not very good with goodbye, especially on the phone. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Young comedian Sammy performs his stand up comedy rourtine and talks about his trip to the zoo .. http://www.improv4kids.com Do A Comedy Act: The best funny thing to do in a talent show is a comedy act. "Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved." Nothing.You are not giving any of your time, your money or even your compassion. I said "I do bird impressions!" So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes. Since comedy is ve. It's heartbreaking. The innate talent lies in taking a funny spin on the unfortunate incidents of life and presenting them in a way that makes people laugh. True story, I once ruined one of Jo Koy's stand-up segments. Until and unless that happens, you will not be able to find material because everything will seem personal, and you will tend to go on the defensive. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? 2 Talent Show Ideas for Kids. I said, "Dude. you just met her you always do this""- Mike Speirs, "When we were kids, my friend and I used to shoplift. From Jerrod Carmichael's Rothaniel to Taylor Tomlinson's Look at You, comedy might just be healing. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Patient: Doctor, I can't stop my hands from shaking?. At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish". I wish I was a phone machine. From the famous to the obscure, these talented souls make us laugh, cry, and sometimes both: 1 of 66. The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. You say, Im from London people go, Where abouts, where abouts, where abouts, where abouts exactly, where abouts? Uh North London. If they know it they get more excited. Problem is, sometimes they are the ones that end hittingbut then they make money out of it, right? "Roof!" Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been Its round. Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?". Theyre not really into that sort of thing. Otherwise, comedians are out there slinging jokes. Also pretty lucky for them. comedy,stand up comedy,comedy videos,hindi comedy,xploit comedy,kbrown comedy,marwadi comedy,success comedy,stand-up comedy,mark angel comedy,koraputia comed. Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die." I said, "Mom, they werent trying to teach you how to swim." Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? Start writing! What is all the other stuff then? Yo Mama so small her best friend is an ant. Copyright Entertainism & Buzzle.com, Inc. Yo Mama so short she has to hold a sign up that says, "Don't spit, I . "They have so much money, they have a party for Garfield everyday! Bottle openers. "You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her. By Edited by Seth Abramovitch. "Ok, thanks for your time anyway" said the man and flew out of the window. The recruiter tells the man he's seen a million bird impressions and is not interested. The kids are in awe of me. Teacher: Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up. - Steve Martin, "What would you do if you cracked an egg for breakfast and a mouse came out and then time froze and God came down and said to forget what you saw or else?" Death is number two. Instagram looked like a hospital ward. Arent cows outside a lot of the time? Sleazy driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job." "If God had really intended man to fly, He'd make it easier to get to the airport." Given below are certain key pointers on how to go about doing that, as well as a compilation of some of the best stand up jokes from the funniest names of the industry. 4.9/5. "Okay," she giggled. Another perk of stand-up comedy is definitely the long jokes! Think A-A-Ron instead: To O'Shag-Hen-Nessy's office now!!! I decided that for a talent show i would show my stand up comedy skills. Creative Writers. "Roof!" Just look at the platypus!" *Credit to America's Got Talent comedian (I don't remember his name). "The day my buddy's daughter was born he said, "I already love, I said to the gym instructor: Can you teach me to do the splits?, A man walked into the doctors, he said Ive hurt my arm in several places., Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist. Animated evening comedy show for the whole family. If you enjoy stand up comedy immensely and often times wonder how these comedians are able to make humor seem so easy and make people laugh till they cry, theres just to say it is pure, unadulterated talent. Were all wearing leather! This happened the other way around in my home. Silly Dancing People Routine. "For me trying to have just one beer is kinda like trying to fall down just one step of a staircase." And this is what space means, guys. I want one, but I can't decide what I want and I don't want to be stuck with one I'm just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later." The . The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do. The only thing that really threatened the practice was that whole contagious disease that spread effectively during indoor activities. Ive got the toe clippers right here., Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I love being in an interracial relationship because I teach him about soul food and why Black Lives Matter; and he teaches me about filing taxes and showing up to places on time. When its raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, Let us in! Q: Why did the kid study in the airplane? Gary Delaney. "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.". Because of my work, I would usually have a pen, a marker, and a folding knife on me. One is the charismatic singer who can perform and woo crowds with his talent and charm. I'm funny but have to work on my delivery. Just natural talent I guess. The comedian has to tell the joke in a way that people find it funny and are able to laugh at it. We want something nobody has ever seen before." Adam Growe has 30 years of experience as an MC and a stand-up comedian. - Richard Sarvate, "So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay that I'm nervous I'm secretly a giant spider." The following Buzzle article will give you a compilation of some of the funniest stand up jokes in the industry by some of the best comedians from the business; it will also list a few tricks on how you can go about writing your own material. You know what your boss was trying to say? But I do feel the need to see other people", If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths? - Michael McIntyres, Because God has a messed up sense of humor just like the rest of us.